Today is one of those days where I wish I could crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head and ride out my anxiety alone and in silence. But the reality is, I’m a work from home mom with a 2 year old to take care of. My husband is gone most of this week and upcoming weekend with hockey so that means it’s just me and Greyson.
My day started with our Frenchie puking all over a rug and Greyson’s playroom, Greyson deciding today would be a great day to throw as many tantrums as possible, and being let down by someone I considered a friend. By 9 AM my anxiety level was already at a high and I looked at the clock thinking, ‘ten and a half hours until Greyson’s bedtime…I just don’t think I can do it today!’ And then I cried. Like ugly cried, for a good five minutes. Who else has been there?
Anxiety doesn’t just stop for us when we already have too much going on, in fact, usually it gets worse.
But as I sit here and type away while my son has his umpteenth tantrum of the day (over what – I have no idea) I can feel the tension slowly releasing. Not all the way, not even half way, but a little and I’ll take that over nothing any day.
Writing is my therapy. And the things that stress me out become less powerful when written down.
If you remember the ‘Me too’ movement on Facebook last month, I was one of the many who posted those two words. My story isn’t something I’m ready to share yet – maybe one day, but just posting those two little words brought back a lot of old anxiety and traumatic memories.
But like I mentioned earlier, writing something down gives it less power over you. Saying something out loud, lessens the strength of something that has a hold on you. And I’ve found freedom in letting those two words I wrote be seen by whomever follows me on Facebook.
Own your anxiety. While you may not be able to make it disappear you can feel proud in knowing you fight against it daily. Whether it is everyday mom life situations or past traumas and experiences, you can face your anxiety head on and tell yourself it won’t control your life. I’m not letting it control mine, anymore.