The Journey Begins
A few nights ago we watched the movie La La Land. I loved it, Chris doesn’t like musicals but he humored me anyway. The storyline really struck a chord with me – not because I’m a struggling actress or jazz obsessed pianist – but because the two main characters are so passionate about their hopes and dreams in life. They really pursue and *SPOILER ALERT* ultimately achieve those dreams through thick and thin. They sacrifice jobs, money and relationships for their dreams. But ultimately they find their bliss in life.
This got me thinking. About my dreams, my life and this blog. I’ve never been one of those people who knew exactly what they wanted to do with their lives or had a career I was so passionate about that I knew it would be my future. I flip flopped majors in college with the delusional idea that I would meet my husband at the University of Washington and be done having children by 25 – this now makes me laugh just writing it. My husband, on the other hand (the one I met when I was 28 and didn’t have a child with until I was 31), is one of those people. He played hockey professionally until injuries forced him to retire, and has coached ever since then. He comes from a hockey family and his dad recently retired after 30+ years in the NHL. It’s in their blood, and there is little doubt in my mind that this passion will pass on to my son and I can’t even ice skate.
I’ve asked my husband before what it’s like to work every day doing something you love and are so passionate about, but he really can’t explain because he’s never known anything else. In a way, I’m jealous. I’m passionate about being a wife and mother but what about a part of my life just for me? I enjoy my small businesses – one more than the others for sure, but are they my passion? Are they the bliss I have been so fervently seeking? The short answer is no, they aren’t. The things I love in life – my family, good coffee, interacting with and meeting new people, shopping, photography and writing aren’t things I can make a living with. Or are they? What if I just need to let go of what society tells us and just follow my passions come hell or high water?
Quoting the fabulous Jen Sincero again, I need my faith to be bigger than my fear. Which sometimes seems IMPOSSIBLE when living with anxiety. But do you know what’s even more scary…not following your dreams and becoming the person you feel in your heart you are meant to be. Now that’s scary. Life is short and none of us knows which day will be our last. I want to live a blissful life – able to enjoy my family and the time we spend and also feel accomplished and proud of what I do for ME. What that will entail, I’m not sure yet. But I’m working on it.